i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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