Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
