they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
