My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
