What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
