i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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