I'm really into asian looking animals
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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