I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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