D3 body, D1 cock
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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