Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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