Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
