I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
a search helicopter?!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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