So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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