She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
