forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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