My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
