i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
