He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's the barista slut.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize