If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
