dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
