Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
