I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
