yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
