Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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