Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
