We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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