No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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