I think I am morally bankrupt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
