Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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