Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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