Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm at about main and main street
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
