Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
