I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
