dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
