Is it because I queefed?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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