Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
