I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
