So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
