I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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