she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
