I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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