It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
