he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
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He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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