Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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