I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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