Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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