Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
