U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
no you cant smoke seaweed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
