He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
