you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
