She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
