Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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