just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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