Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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