ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
