you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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