And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize