Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
