Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
