I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
