Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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