Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
