no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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