You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
