I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
