I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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