You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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