i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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