Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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