A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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