NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
either way he was missing a nipple.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
