like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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