the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
