First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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